The Fox & Crow in "Ski for Tree"
by Thad Komorowski
Summary: The Fox takes a trip to the Swiss Miss Ski Lodge, to get away from the chiseling Crow. The Fox's plans fail.


"Ski for Tree"   
  
By Thad Komorowski, Pietro Shakarian, and Jon Cooke  
  
The Fox & Crow are copyrighted by Columbia/Tri-Star Inc.  
  
  
  
(Opens on Fauntleroy Fox preparing a roast turkey for himself. Crawford Crow smells the roast turkey and pops in the window before Fauntleroy sinks his teeth into the turkey.)   
  
Crow: Hey Foxie! Look! It's a boid! It's a plane! It's Superguy!   
  
Fox: Oh my gosh, my gosh, my gosh! Where? Where?   
  
(Fauntleroy turns around to look, while Crawford steals his dinner)   
  
Crow: SUCKER!   
  
(Fauntleroy notices his empty plate)   
  
Fox: Why that little...........I'll........I'll........I'll listen to the radio to get my mind off of that chiseling crow.   
  
(Fauntleroy turns on the radio)   
  
Radio Announcer: Good evening, friends, romans, and countrymen. Are you a fox who gets constantly out-smarted by a chiseling crow?   
  
Fox: Why, yes.   
  
Radio Announcer: Well, then visit "Swiss Miss Ski Lodge!" You'll get lots of rest and relaxation.   
  
(Fauntleroy imagines himself in bed with a 10-course meal)   
  
Radio Announcer: You'll see LOTS of beautiful women!   
  
(Fauntleroy imagines himself in bed with beautiful women by his side)   
  
Radio Announcer: You'll get tons and tons of grapes!   
  
(Fauntleroy imagines himself eating grapes)   
  
Radio Announcer: And you'll be able to get some fresh air, skiing!   
  
(Fauntleroy imagines himself skiing)   
  
Radio Announcer: Our location, the South Pole!   
  
Fox: Oh, boy! Oh, boy! Oh, boy! Finally, a vacation away from that chiseling crow!   
I better get ready!   
  
(Fauntleroy rushes to the closet, while Crawford pops in the window)   
  
Crow: Humm, I wonder what Foxie's up ta.   
  
(Fauntleroy sings the tune he was singing in "Toll-Bridge Troubles" while he loads everything into the car.)   
  
Fox: At last! A vacation with rest and relaxation, beautiful women, grapes, and skiing! And it's MILES away from that chiseling crow!   
  
Crow: Chiseling crow? Humph! A nervy guy dat fox, an' me one of his best pals.   
  
(Crawford looks up in his book under "vacations.")   
  
Crow: Now let's see, vaccums.......vultures.......vacations! Here it is! It says here dat ya must stoway in da back of his car! Humm.......  
  
The Crow climbs in the trunk of the Fox's car.   
  
Crow: Heh, dat Fox is such a dope... I've pulled dis "stow away in da trunk" bit dozens of times an' he's never got wise!   
  
Crow closes the trunk.   
  
Fox (coming out of his house with a bunch of maps and another suitcase): Hmmm, I bet that no-good Crow is stowing away in the trunk of my car. Just like he's done the last twenty-seven times I've attempted to go on a vacation. But I'm too smart for him this time.   
  
Fox knocks on the trunk to his car.   
  
Fox: Uh, excuse me. But are there any CROWS in there?   
  
Crow: No crows in here, jack! Nothin' in here but your luggage.   
  
Fox: Phew, now that's a relief.  
  
Crow: What a dope!   
  
Fox: I heard that! You chiseling craven raven you! Get out now!   
  
Fox runs off screen and comes back with gun. Crow comes out of trunk.   
  
Crow: Okay, okay, I'll go.   
  
Crow walks away.   
  
Fox: Finally, I can get some rest!   
  
Fox takes off in car up into the mountains.   
  
Fox: Ah, Swiss-Miss Ski Lodge, here I come... ALONE!   
  
The Crow turns out to be underneath the car, hanging on to the bottom.   
  
Crow: That's what he thinks! Heh, heh, heh...   
  
Fox takes out a cup of coffee, takes a sip, and burns his tongue.   
  
Fox: OWCH! This coffee is much too hot! Oh well, no since in waiting for it to cool...   
  
Fox dumps out coffee out of cup, which hits the Crow in the face.   
  
Crow: YEOWCH!   
  
Fox: Hmm, after I get back, I've GOT to get to a mechanic to fix this engine! It sounds like that chiseling crow!   
  
Crow: Humm, it looks as though I need a new hidin' place.   
  
(Crawford spots a nearby gas station)   
  
Crow: Dat's it!   
  
Fox: You know, that engine does sound like that chiseling crow. Maybe I should get it checked at this service station.   
  
(When Fauntleroy's car stops, Crawford ustraps himself and disguises himself as a mechanic)   
  
Fox: Oh, hello, Mr. Mechanic, sir. I'm having problems with my engine, it sounds like a certian chiseling crow.   
  
Crow: No problem, chum! But, uh, there's a slight charge for fixin' cars, Foxie.......er, I mean.......Mr. Fox!   
  
Fox: Oh yes, how much?   
  
Crow: Two dollars, jack!   
  
Fox: Two dollars? I won't pay. And my name isn't Jack, it's Fauntleroy.   
  
Crow: Good bye, please!   
  
(Crawford starts leaving)   
  
Fox: Wait, Mr. Mechanic, sir! Let's talk it over! I won't pay, but I'll take you on my trip to "Swiss Miss Ski Lodge."   
  
Crow: Okay, Foxie.....er, I mean.....chum! I'd be glad to come wit' ya. But ya still have ta pay me da two dollars.......  
  
Fox: WHAT? Oh you, you, you...HERE'S THE TWO DOLLARS!   
  
Crow: Thank you, sir! Have a nice day!   
  
Fox: Oh well, I'll just take my hat and be on my way..   
  
The Fox picks up his hat, but unknown to him, the Crow is inside it.   
  
Fox: I don't know WHY I get upset over paying two dollars. This isn't the 18th century...   
  
Crow: What a dope, dat Fox!   
  
Fox: I wonder where that mechanic went? Oh well, I guess he didn't want to go to "Swiss-Miss Ski Lodge."   
  
(Later, they finally arrive there)   
  
Fox: What a great place to spend a vacation! Rest and relaxation, beautiful women, grapes, and skiing!   
  
(Fauntleroy arrives in the lobby, where we also see Mr. Magoo and the bear from "Ragtime Bear" in the background. Fauntleroy checks in at the register and goes up to room 1313. Inside his room, Fauntleroy starts unpacking)   
  
Fox: Ah! Yes, this is the life! Far, far, far away from that chiseling crow!   
  
(Crawford pops out of Fauntleroy's hat)   
  
Crow: Dat's what you tink, Foxie!   
  
Fox: THE CROW!   
  
Crow: Dat's CRAWFORD Crow ta you, chum!   
  
(Crawford runs to the telephone)   
  
Crow: Hello. Room service? I'd like roast turkey, sweet potatoes, a truck-load of hamboigers, a few hot dogs, chicken wings, a giangantic happy boithday cake, a huge bowl of whipped cream, five ice cream sundaes, twenty sandwhichs, a big hot pumpkin pie, a holiday ham, a huge soda, a 70-pound T-bone steak, and a box of cigars. An' please, NO grapes! Send it over right away ta room 1313!   
  
Fox: What?! No grapes! That's a insult!   
  
Crow: Ah, don't get excited, Jack!   
  
Fox: I TOLD YOU, MY NAME IS NOT JACK!! IT'S---   
  
Fox gets cut off by knocking on the door.   
  
Fox: Now what?!   
  
Fox goes to open the door, and in comes waiters carrying Crow's order.   
  
Crow: Oh boy, food at last!   
  
Crow starts digging into food, and soon is tapped on the back by a waiter.   
  
Waiter (with French accent): Excuse me, misseur, but 'zere is 'ze matter of 'zis large bill!   
  
Crow looks at bill. The total is $1,563.89.   
  
Crow: Uh-oh, er, uh, my good friend Foxie's gonna pay for it, mac!   
  
Fox: ME?! Now hold on a minute, I....   
  
Waiter: Monsieur Fox did not place ze order. It was zee Crow!   
  
Fox: Exactly! He's the one who's going to pay for all this. He's not even on my reservation! See??   
  
Crow: I...er...   
  
Waiter: I have zeen zis story before. Ziz Crow is, how do you say, a free-loader, no?   
  
Fox: Why, yes. Yes, he is!   
  
Waiter: Ze Swiss-Miss Ski Lodge does not take kindly to zee moochers. Do not worry Monsieur Fox, we know how to take care of zis Crow.   
  
Crow: Dis I gotta see. What'cha gonna do, ya puny little wimp? Throw me out??   
  
Waiter: Of course not, Monsieur Crow. *I'M* not going to throw you out...   
  
Crow: I thought so! Hehehe...   
  
Waiter whistles. And two really big thugs instantly appear.   
  
Crow: Uh-oh.   
  
Thug #1: What's da matta, boss?   
  
Waiter: Take care of ze Crow. You know how to handle ze moochers.   
  
One thug grabs the Crow by the neck. The other kicks him in the butt and he flies through an open window and into a snow bank.   
  
Fox: Hmm, I think I am going to like it here at the Swiss Miss Lodge!  
  
Crow: Dere's gotta be a way back in.......AH HA! I got it!   
  
(Crawford puts on a beard, a hat, and a coat like hi did in "Treasure Jest". Meanwhile inside Fauntleroy's room, Fauntleroy is surrounded by food)   
  
Fox: Food! Food! Food! Beautiful food! Glorious heavenly, wonderful, food!   
  
(Come Crawford)   
  
Crow: Hiya, sonny!   
  
Fox: It's that chiseling crow!   
  
Crow: No, sonny, I'm the Old Man of the Mountain. So, hi de ho, and all dat kinda jazz!   
  
Fox: Oh, I'm sorry. You see, there's this mean, crazy, crooked, free-loading, chiseling crow that always bothers me!   
  
Crow: Don't worry, I'm here ta help ya, sonny!   
  
Fox: Oh, thank you, Mr. Old Man of the Mountain! Thank you!   
  
Crow: Think nothin' of it, foxie.......er, I mean.......sonny!   
  
(Just then a thought bubble pops into Fauntleroy's head, "HE'S THE CROW - YOU DOPE." Then he pulls off Crawford's beard.)   
  
Fox: So, trying to pull one over old Fauntleroy, eh?   
  
Crow: I didn't know you were Canadian, foxie!   
  
Fox: Security!   
  
(Two really big thugs instantly appear.)   
  
Crow: Uh-oh, not dis again!   
  
(One thug grabs Crawford by the neck. The other kicks him in the butt and he flies through an open window and into a snow bank)   
  
Crow: Dis is gettin' ta be monotonous!   
  
Fox: Room service? Send me up another bunch of grapes, if you please...   
  
A waiter takes up a bunch of grapes, but before knocking on the door, he eats the grapes. The waiter turns out to be really the Crow. The Crow then knocks on the door.   
  
Crow: Here's your grapes, Foxie, er, uh, I mean, Monsieur Fox!   
  
Fox: My heavens, these grapes have been eaten! Seeds and all.   
  
Crow: No they haven't, you just can't see good!   
  
Fox: What?!   
  
Crow: I see the most beautiful grapes this side of Tuscon! You just need glasses, Monsieur...   
  
Fox: Really?   
  
Crow: Yup. Ya sure do need glasses, Foxie.....er, I mean.....Monsieur Fox!   
  
Fox: Okay, but hold that thought.......   
  
(Fauntleroy picks up a phone)   
  
Fox: Hello, Security?   
  
(Two really big thugs instantly appear and beat-up the waiter - who looks like Crawford in disguise. We hear a voice from behind Fauntleroy.)   
  
Voice: Hi Foxie! What are them thugs doin'?   
  
Fox: They're beating up that miserable, freeloading, mean, crazy, chiseling crow!   
  
(It is now revealed that Crawford is standing behind Fauntleroy)   
  
Crow: Is dat so, chum? A crow? Does dis crow look anything like me, only Frence?   
  
Fox (not paying attention to who he is speaking with): Yes, yes, he's that chiseling crow who....looks......like......   
  
(The waiter emerges out of the fight)   
  
Waiter: Dat's one strike againist ya, Monsieur Fox!   
Two more strikes an' yer out!   
  
Fox: But, but, I can explain, you see I thought that you were that chiseling crow and................  
  
Fox: It was that crow, THAT crow right there!   
  
Waiter: I do not have time for your hallucinations, Monsieur Fox! Good day!   
  
Waiter walks out of room.   
  
Crow: Hiya Foxie! Lookin' for me!   
  
Fox: WHY YOU---   
  
Crow: Now chum, take it easy take it easy!   
  
Fox: I'm going to break every bone in your body!!!!   
  
Crow: Now now, let's not get hasty, jack! 206 bones is alot for one fox to break...   
  
Fox: Hmm, you're right...   
  
Crow: *WHEW*   
  
Fox: I'll break 205 bones then!   
  
Crow: Now, now, wait a minute Foxie! Shouldn't we settle this in a more gentlemen fashion?   
  
Fox: How?   
  
Crow: Well, we'll have a ski race, the one who loses has to leave!   
  
Fox: Oh splendid, splendid,---but where at the lodge shall we race?   
  
Crow: On Mt. Climb-Up-and-Fall-to-Your-Doom!   
  
Fox: Yuh-yuh-yuh-you mean thuh-thuh-THAT MOUNTAIN?!   
  
The Fox points to a huge mountain outside of his window.   
  
Crow: No, THAT mountain!   
  
Crow points to an even BIGGER mountain.   
  
Fox: Oh, I don't know about this...   
  
Crow: What's the matter, Foxie, ya chicken? I know you wouldn't race it. Yer just a big yellow, bushy tailed coward!   
  
Fox: Now see here! I'm none of those things, you craven-raven crow!   
  
Crow: Then whaddya say, chum? Is it a deal?   
  
Fox: Deal...   
  
Fox and Crow shake hands.   
  
(We go to the slopes. The Fox and the Crow are ready to ski down the mountain)   
  
Crow: Ready, Mr. Fox, huh?   
  
Fox: All set, Mr. Crow!   
  
Crow: Then git on yer marks, git set........GO!   
  
(The Fox speeds down the hill. But the Crow stays.)   
  
Crow (laughing): I got me own ways of gittin' down!   
  
(Meanwhile.....)   
  
Fox: I don't see the chiseling crow anywhere! (to the audience) I must be beating him. Oh well, let the better man win. And I'M the better man! (Starts laughing)   
  
BAM!   
  
(The Fox runs into a tree. And his nose gets caught in a hole in the tree. He tries and tries and finallly pulls it loose. It's aching.)   
  
Fox: Oh, my poor nose!   
  
(Just then the Crow lands right by the Fox by helicopter and skis off)   
  
Crow: So, long, chump! See ya in Goimaney, if youse ever git dere!   
  
Fox: Why that miserable, cheating, bad, rotten CROW! Eeeeeeee! I hate him! I hate him! How I'd like to ring his flithy Crow neck! I'll tear him apart! Just wait'll I get the Crow!   
  
(The Fox sees a ax, randomly put into the scene. He picks of the ax and speeds down the hill like he never did before)   
  
Fox: Now, I've gotcha! You......CROW!   
  
(He soon catches up with the Crow)   
  
Crow: Yipe! Foxie's gone screwy again! Lemme out of here!   
  
Fox: Not in a million years!   
  
(The Fox starts swinging the ax)   
  
Crow: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Help!   
  
Fox: You racketeer! You flighty chiseling crow!   
  
Crow: Wait, wait a minute Foxie! Dis fanfic is just about over! Let's stop dis nonsense!   
  
Fox: Why?   
  
Crow: I like you yer a good straight man!   
  
(Fox giggles)   
  
Crow: Let's be friends!   
  
Fox: Well, alright!   
  
(The Fox and the Crow shake hands. But they don't realize that they're headed toward the steepest part of the mountain)   
  
Fox: Look out!   
  
Crow: Yipe!   
  
(The Fox and the Crow hold each other and end up riding straight toward the camera)   
  
Fox and Crow: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!   
  
(They crash into it, ending the cartoon)   
  
THE END 


End file.
